"God Moment"

Since the big move to Yakima, my walk with God has been desert dry. I've spent the past couple months jobless, curled up in the down comforter, watching Hulu and Netflix on my phone all day (because the TV was too far away).

It was depressing. I was depressing.

Outside the sun was shining, as if teasing me. Sometimes I would look out there and think, "maybe I should go outside today," but upon further examination, I realized that outside was unknown and scary. So I secluded myself again.

Colin would ask me what was wrong, and I'd smile and say "nothing," and even say a couple more things to hide the truth: "I'm just upset I don't have a job," "I just don't know anybody here." But the truth of the matter was...

I was running away from God. Again. After everything He had taught me, after all we had gone through together. I was turning by back again, and I was ashamed.

One night, after spending another entire day in bed (and feeling ashamed when Colin walked in the door after working so hard), I was "getting ready for bed" (although I had already slept all day), and randomly, I hear, very lightly...

"Give me eyes to see more of who You are,
May what I behold steal my anxious heart,
Take what I have known and break it all apart

For You, my God, are greater still.."

I looked at Colin, but he continued about his business, unaware of the miraculous saving grace moment going on between me and God.

"And no sky contains,
no doubt restrains all You are,
the greatness of our God
I've spent my life to know that I'm far from close to all You are,
the greatness of our God"

My brow furrowed, hands searching the ground for where the sound was coming from. 
My phone. My stupid phone. I slid my finger across the screen, ready to shut off the music that was making me feel so...

What was it making me feel?

"Give me grace to see beyond this moment here,
to believe that there is nothing left to fear.
And You were on it, high above it all,

And You, my God, are greater still"

I decided to listen, taking this moment as one of those "God" moments that I hear so much about. My soul began to hurt. Or ache... or come alive. Something like that. It was hard to explain.

"And no sky contains,
no doubt restrains all You are,
the greatness of our God
I've spent my life to know that I'm far from close to all You are,
the greatness of our God

To all You are, the greatness of our God."

I closed my eyes, because I've heard this song before. And I know how the bridge goes. And I suddenly knew that my iPhone randomly developing a mind of its own, and starting to play Hillsong United's "The Greatness of Our God," was no accident. God was speaking to me, and my sleeping soul had responded immediately with an intense, fiery passion that produced tears in my eyes.

"And there is nothing that could ever separate us,
No, there is nothing that could ever separate us from Your love.

No life, no death, of this I am convinced
You, my God, are greater still."


*******


For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
-(Romans 8:38-39)