The Disciple Whom Jesus Loved

"Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, 'Lord, who is going to betray you?')...

... This is the disciple who testifies to these things and who wrote them down."
-(John 21:20, 24)

I think I've read the Gospels about ten times all the way through, yet for some reason, this part had never stuck out to me. John knew he was "the disciple whom Jesus loved." He knew that he was highly favored, accepted, adored by the Holy Living God.

And it got me thinking...

Do I know that I'm "the disciple whom Jesus loved?"

Last weekend I was driving to Seattle, going 80 mph and listening to worship music. After about 30 minutes on the road, I started to have the darkest thought...

What if I crashed and died? What if I never made it to Seattle to see my brother graduate? What if this was it?

I spent the rest of the drive with my hands in ten-and-two position, leaning forward in my driver's seat, wide-eyed, singing the lyrics to "Better is One Day" loud enough to make myself embarrassed with nobody even around. My heart pounding, pulse racing, and bloodshot eyes staring into the midnight darkness, I probably looked like a rabbit being chased by a hungry fox.

Why is it we get so afraid of death? If we say we trust in God, that we are saved by Him, that we are the ones whom Jesus loves... what in the world are we so afraid of?

"He replied, 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?'"
-(Matthew 8: 26)

Jesus doesn't want us to live in fear: he wants us to trust him, and trust that we are saved by him. He wants us to realize that yes, he did save us from something... but it didn't end there. He is also saving us for something.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
-(John 14:1-4)

Do you know the Lord?

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'"
-(Matthew 7:21-23)

This verse scares me, as I'm sure it does for a lot of you. It places doubt in my heart. It makes me ask God, "Lord, do I really know you? Do I truly, beyond a shadow of a doubt, know you?"

And then I remember that God said he has made me worthy--he has redeemed me, perfected me, called me his daughter, lifted me to the same level as Jesus Christ. (See Matthew 12:48-50)

That's when I ask God: "Can you make sure that I know you? Because all I want in this life is to know you, and sometimes I just don't know." Only God is powerful enough to change this stubborn heart.

Do you know that you are going to heaven? Or do you sometimes doubt it?
Are you afraid of death or persecution? Why?
Do you trust God?
Do you know that you are the one whom Jesus loves?

Because you are, Christ brothers and Christ sisters.