God-Willing

Two nights ago, I left for Bozeman Montana to go on a three day sabbatical with my Father. And until last night around 6PM, I had only made it to Billings, with a woman who was fighting to get home to her kids.

We met in Seatac. Forty minutes before the flight was supposed to leave, I peered up at the departure screen and the dreaded words greeted me: cancelled. I was at a loss. Moments before I had been trying to get the last seat on the plane, and praying fervently.

"Lord," I had prayed, "if it is not Your will that I go, make the journey impossible."

Dejected, I went over my options. The cancelled flight was the last flight of the day. And after asking a few agents, I discovered that the flights were booked to capacity every day until Wednesday. And I had planned my return trip for Thursday. In a moment of weakness, I sulked against the wall, staring around the terminal and trying not to cry.

I guess You don't want me to go, Lord. I'm sad, but You must have Your reasons.

Just as I was trying to figure out how to collect my checked bags, a customer service agent came up to me.

"Excuse me ma'am. Were you on that Bozeman flight?"

I looked at him, "yeah."

"If you want, I can get you to Billings?"

I smiled politely. "Thanks, but I'm a stand-by passenger."

The agent grinned, despite the chaos ensuing in the room. "If you want on, I'm getting you a seat. No problem."

I called Billings to see if they had cars available and meandered over to the Billings gate.

"Were you on that Bozeman flight?"

It wasn't the agent that asked, but a lady about thirty who was standing at the counter also.

"Yeah. I think I might fly to Billings and drive... Are you doing the same?"

"Yeah. They say I can't get out until Wednesday, and I have to get home to my kids."

"Want to split the cost for a rental car and drive over together?"

We both laughed and she said, "sure!"

Well, we ended up getting a hotel room in Billings (for free because she was a paying customer, and Alaska Air paid for it). Not only did we get a hotel room, but the hotel supervisor decided to give us the two bedroom suite because it was 1:30AM and it wasn't being used. He also gave us a breakfast voucher, and we didn't even ask for one.

"Just cuz I feel bad for you." He smiled and sent us on our way.

The next morning I waited in the living room of our suite for Carly to wake up. 

"Good news!" She said while walking out of her bedroom. "My friend's going to drive us halfway, and then my mom's going to pick us up from there and drive us to Bozeman."

I was shocked, expecting to shell out ninety bucks for a rental car that morning. "Wow. That's extremely nice of them."

We checked out, ate our breakfast, then jumped in the car with her friend. I was in the backseat with a very friendly nine-month-old black lab that loved to give kisses. Watching Billings disappear in the rear view mirror, I marveled at the adventure God was taking me on. 

When I thought it was impossible, He made it possible. He sent this woman to me, and through her showed me the endless love and grace He has for me. He cares for my desires, even my tiny desire to go on vacation. What a good God! He loves little, insignificant me, even in the grand scheme of things. 

I bid farewell to Carly, thanking her profusely. Without her, I didn't think I'd have the confidence, nor the funds, to make the trip happen. 

I did have a moment of weakness when my bag supposedly didn't make the Bozeman flight that afternoon. I had called ahead to make sure it would be on the first Bozeman flight of the day, so I could pick it up and make my way to the cabin. 

"Sorry, it must not have made it." The agent behind the counter said.

I fought back those unruly tears again. "That's weird, they said it'd be on this flight..." 

"It was an overbooked flight, the cargo pit might have been bulked out. Try the next flight, it comes in at 11:45 tonight."

I quietly said thank you around the throb in my throat, and climbed into the car outside. Letting the tears and the anger flow, I called Colin four times before he answered.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?!"

"I'm just mad! My bag didn't make the flight. I got close to zero sleep last night; I called Seattle and they said they'd get it on the plane. Now I can't start the drive up to the cabin until probably midnight tonight, and I wanted to go snowboarding tomorrow!"

Colin probably should have told me to stop whining and being selfish, but instead he empathized with me. "I'm so so sorry... I wish I knew how to make you feel better."

"It's whatever, I have to go, someone's trying to call me."

I pulled over on the side of the road to answer my phone. Someone had been texting and calling me repeatedly while I was fuming to Colin.

I peered at the first text and my jaw dropped.

"Hello Natalie Frazier, this is Zach at the Bozeman airport. We do indeed have your bag! You can pick it up if you are close!"

Hanging my head in shame, I drove back to the terminal where they were waiting with my bag. 

"The strangest thing happened! I could have sworn there were no more bags on the cart, but when I went back to check, there it was!"

I felt like kissing the woman I was so happy.

I called Colin when I got to my car. "Well, I feel like an entitled little baby. They found my bag. I can't believe it."

Colin laughed. "I do. I prayed just as soon as I got off the phone with you that they would have your bag. God performed a miracle for you, bibi."

"Do not worry about your life..." -Matthew 6:25

He says DON'T WORRY, and we say, "Okay, but I need to do this and that..."

But God says DON'T WORRY.

And beware of allowing yourself to believe that he says this while not understanding your circumstances. He understands better than anyone. And you know what? He cares about you! Yes, even you!

Meeting with God

I find it interesting that we can meet with the people we need to almost every day, if we need to talk to our teacher we find them after class, if we need to remind a parent (or for parents, a child) about something, you find them once their home, but then there's God.

I find that I can plan to meet with God and miss my appointment, not because He wasn't there, but because I never looked up long enough to interact with Him.

On Mondays I have a little under two hours of a gap between classes, during which time I try to have some God time and me time. I'm solid on the me time, I go to my favorite coffee shop (Dubsea all the way!), I order my coffee of choice (today it's an Americano, I'm feeling quite adult, thank you), I pick out my ideal table my the window facing the light outside, and I journal.

It's amazing but between my phone, my book, and my laptop I can go from me time to free time where I just leap right into things that I don't always get to do in my day.

Wasn't I forgetting something? Oh, oh well.

That's how my God time often goes, in the morning before work (too tired, snooze button), in the afternoon after work (oop, overbooked, gotta jet), or in the evening before bed (but I really need to catch up on my book!).

Today, God did what he often does to raise my attention. He gently calls for my attention.

I went straight from journaling to my computer and my plan was to have my God time after my computer time, but my computer wouldn't turn on.

Love, come meet with me.

God, I just need to look up something real quick.

Choose me first.

So I shut my laptop, pull my Bible in front of me.

James.

Easy, I'm teaching through James at Ignition youth group so yup, James, what've you got for me God?

Chapter 2.

I read the chapter from the first verse to last and it was different then when I read it earlier in the week. Verses stirred ideas in my head that hadn't come to mind before. I saw the Scripture in a new light. Instead hearing my voice in my head quickly mumbling the words, I heard the soft and loving voice that had called me to this time with Him.

That was it. God didn't ask anything else of me, He didn't have me read the rest of the book, He didn't tell me to get on my knees in the middle of this coffee shop and repent, He just called me to His side to show me something that I needed to see.

How easily I put off, ignore, or forget about my great need to meet with God. And yet, when I do meet with Him, either out of need, pure desire, or any other motive, I find that in my 3-minutes of God time I received more peace and comfort than the hour and a half I put into trying to please
myself.

Thank You God for Your gently raising of my chin when my attention is focused on the "other". I needed what You showed me in Scripture today. I needed to connect with my Comforter. Thank You drawing me to your side.

The Deepest Darkness

Just last night, someone revealed some deep truths about my life. 

I didn't want to go to yet another church event because I was "too tired," "too busy," and "didn't like the book." She challenged me in saying, very lovingly, "are you so sure it isn't because you're afraid of growing?"

I, of course, responded to this criticism stubbornly. No, I'm not afraid of growing. Yes, I feel like I'm worthy of the unending love of God. No, I'm not dodging the community of believers because I'm afraid of what they'll think; because I'm afraid of feeling things in front of them.

And then I realized that... Actually, I am very afraid of growing. 

More importantly, I'm afraid of what it would take for me to grow.

"O Lord, You are the God of the early mornings, the God of the late nights, the God of the mountain peaks, and the God of the sea. But, my God, my soul has horizons further away than those of early mornings, deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks, greater depths than any sea in nature. You who are the God of all these, be my God. I cannot reach to the heights or depths; there are motives I cannot discover, dreams I cannot realize. My God, search me." -(Psalm 139 paraphrased by Oswald Chambers)

Do we honestly, truly believe that God can fortify and protect our thought processes far beyond where we can go? 

Do we honestly believe that when the Sciptures say, "the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin" (1John 1:7) that it means all sin-- including the sin we are unaware of? The sin that stunts our growth?

If the bible meant we are only cleansed of our conscious sin, then God have mercy on us all.

Sin hardens our heart so much that sometimes, a lot of the time, we are not even aware of it. God will cleanse us of even these deep, unseen sins, so long as we choose to walk in the light.

I want to grow. I don't like how growth feels, but I want to grow. God help me, I don't want to be a foolish woman.

Rotten

How often do we receive blessings from God?

And how often do we give back, 100%, that blessing to someone else?

Oswald Chambers says "Worship is giving God the best that He has given you."

Not just sharing the blessing with someone else. 

Not just cutting them a portion of the blessing.

But giving that blessing, that same blessing, back to God?

I was reading the bible for the first time in months today, and surprise! God talks to me within seconds. 

This guy in the Old Testament named Elkanah had a wife named Hannah who could not bear any children. She asked God for a child, and He have her one. (Fancy that!)

This is what she did with that blessing:

"...they slaughtered the bull, and brought the boy to Eli (a priest).

She said: 'Oh, my lord! As your soul lives, my lord, I am the women who stood here beside you, praying to the Lord. For this boy I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him. So I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord.'"

Hannah's son was brought to Eli, "that he may appear before the Lord and stay there forever." -1 Samuel 1:22, 25-28

In case you skimmed over that, I'll paraphrase:

She let that blessing of God funnel right through her. She gave the best of what God gave her. 

Blessings from God are not meant to be hoarded for ourselves. We're not supposed to hear from God and hide what we learned.

Our knowledge of God should be completely at the same level as our experience of Him. We should be receiving and giving blessings to the same degree.

Blessings will rot if they are hoarded, like manna from heaven in Exodus 16:20. 

Is your soul rotting? 

A Devo a Day: 11

I have the honor of ministering to many young men and women and one of the biggest struggles I see them face is against opposition and unfair circumstances. When I hear of how she is teased and put down in her class for being the "goodie goodie" or when I hear of how he is struggling with his parents rough divorce or how she got caught up in the most heartbreaking situation and doesn't know how to get through it, I wrack my brain and my spirit for the word of comfort that God would speak into their lives.

This morning I read about Joseph in Genesis and for all of their sakes, my strong and resilient youth kids, I want to use my last devo of break to explain what I learned from Joseph.

If you have the time, read Genesis 37, 39-42.

Basically, Joseph was the youngest brother of Jacob. Joseph was also Jacob's favorite son because he was born to Joseph in his old age.

Well, Joseph begins to have these dreams that imply that one day his brothers will bow down to him and the moon and the stars will bow down to him. He gets excited to share the best dreams he's ever had with his brothers and, not so surprisingly, they didn't take the news well.

They took to the extreme and plotted to kill him. One of his brothers wanted to save him so he tried to convince his fellow brothers to spare Joseph. One thing lead to another and they sold their youngest brother Joseph as a slave for 20 shekels of silver and told their father that he was killed by a wild animal. Lame.

The brothers go on with their lives and the story picks back up in chapter 39 with what happens to Joseph.

Joseph was sold and resold and ended up the slave to Pharaoh's captain of the guard, Potiphar. In chapter 39, verse 2 it simply says, "The Lord was with Joseph" and goes on to say that whatever Joseph put his hand to, the Lord blessed. Joseph serves, and all that he did in serving prospered. Joseph is promoted to overseer of Potiphar's house and the entire house is blessed. So up and up Joseph goes in the latter to leadership until he was running all of Potiphar's affairs for him.

Until. Until Potiphar's wife begins making impasses at Joseph time and time again until finally he says to her, (Chapter 39, verses 8-9) "8 Look, my master does not know what is with me in the house, [a.k.a. you, you crazy woman] and he committed all that he has to my hand. 9 There is no one greater in this house than I, nor has he kept back anything from me but you, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?" Bravo Joseph.

And what does his honorable response get him? A jail sentence.

Potiphar's wife takes his robe and he flees from her, she gets angry and tells everyone that he tried to make advances on her and he was thrown in the king's prison, no questions asked.

Joseph is in there for years. YEARS. For something he didn't do.

And yet. Chapter 39, verse 21 says "But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him mercy, and He gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison."

What did Joseph do to deserve slavery (besides maybe telling the wrong jealous brothers about his dreams)? Nothing. What did he do to deserve jail time? Nothing.

Yet God has not left him in all of this. So Joseph advances in the prison and ends up overseeing the prisoners for the keeper of the prison.

When the king of Egypt's butler and baker are thrown in prison, Joseph watches after them and when they both have cryptic dreams, Joseph says that interpreting dreams is God's business so he can interpret on God's behalf. Basically what Joseph interprets happens and when he tells the butler to mention him to the king when the butler is released, the butler forgets Joseph. (Boooo!)

Two years later Pharaoh has a dream that no one can interpret and all of the sudden the butler remembers Joseph, a little late but hey. The butler tells Pharaoh about Joseph, Pharaoh sends for Joseph, Joseph says he can't interpret dreams by himself but God will interpret the dream. So Pharaoh explains the dream, Joseph interprets it and Pharaoh sees God's favor over Joseph and Joseph was promoted to Pharaoh's second-in-command and set him in command over all of Egypt.

The story doesn't just end there! No Joseph's brothers come to him needing help, not recognizing him and he helps them. It's amazing the full-circle effect this story has. Joseph wasn't just bragging, his dreams that got him sold into slavery came true, he did rule before his brothers.

While reading this story this morning I was able to see how much God's favor got Joseph through his hardships. In the midst of being sold by his brothers, he could have grown angry and hateful. By the time Joseph was sold to Potiphar he could have grown bitter. Who knows if he would have still advanced the way he did and ended in prison the same way but with his bitterness he could not have made it through prison without letting his rage and hard circumstances eat away at everything good and pure in his heart. If ever sprung from jail he most likely would have gone after Potiphar and his wife in vengeance.

But that's not the story we read here. We read a story of a faithful God who never left Joseph's side, not in slavery, not in prison, and Joseph clung to God with all that he had and God blessed him for it.

This story gives me hope. It reminds me that while I am praying with my kids while they face tough circumstances and opposition that they are in the middle of their story. The story for Joseph didn't stop at slavery or imprisonment so I have to remember that my kids' hard, hard situations are not the end of their story. God is still present, God is still at work.

For any of my youth that have made it this far into this last devo, hold onto this promise: If you draw near to God, He will draw near to you (James 4:8). Don't get so overwhelmed by your situation that you can't cling to God and trust that He has a better end to your story then you can foresee. Cling to God and He will guide you.

I so trust God with every single one of you. I do. That's how I can sleep at night, that's how I can tell each of you again and again that I believe that God has a purpose and a plan in your life and that He is still at work in the midst of your darkest moments. I believe it with all of my being. 

My final prayer for you is that you would grow to believe in it too.

A Devo a Day

John 15

“1 I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 

4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. 5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 

7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8 By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples."

I love the richness to this metaphor, the whole and comforting truth behind it. 

Jesus is the source, the vine. The vine distributes nutrients and everything the branches need in order for fruit to grow. Fruit cannot grow without the vine because the life of the branches lies in the vine. 

Abide. Dwell. Rest in. Wholly embrace. That's how Jesus, our life-giving source calls us to his side. He offers us a rich and fruitful dwelling in him. 

And then there's verse 6, which makes you think that Jesus saying, "Abide in me" comes with a cliffhanging threat like, "or else you'll be cast out and thrown in the fire." That's not what I see when I read verse 6.

I see a superficiality. Hiding behind a connection that's not really there. 

A branch that is hardly connected to it's vine is a dying branch. What happens to it naturally is what is described in verse 6: it withers, and winemakers would take dead branches away and burn them. 

What's promised in this passage is a fullness of life, a true and lasting connection, relationship that won't be broken off. If it is, it's the branch who chooses it, not the vine, so to speak. 

It's healthy to squeeze the meaning out of this metaphor and ask of our relationship with Jesus: are we connected to him or are we hiding a deadness, a disconnect and hoping it will go unnoticed by God and by His people?

Jesus longs for a relationship, not a bonfire. He's not hoping anyone fails in their pursuit of a relationship with him. He is forever longing for a chance to give us, his branches a chance to last and to grow and bear fruit, which can only be done in dwelling in him. 

Jesus with his life-giving, healing, redeeming outstretched hand calls to you today and fully knowing your past, present, and future calls, "Abide in Me and I in you." It's up to you to take hold. 

A Devo a Day: 9

"16 And as [Jesus] walked by the Sea of Galilee, He saw Simon and Andrew his brother casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. 17 Then Jesus said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you become fishers of men.” 18 They immediately left their nets and followed Him. 

19 When He had gone a little farther from there, He saw James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, who also were in the boat mending their nets. 20 And immediately He called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired servants, and went after Him." 

-Mark 1:16-20 NKJV

This is how it went down when Jesus called his followers. He passed by them, called them out of their circumstances, sometimes giving them a clue as to what they were being called to ("...and I will make you fishers of men."), and his recorded disciples chose to follow him. 

So how does it look when Jesus calls after us today to follow him? 

Well, of course we ought to be doing good things so he'll call us, right? Better get good grades and volunteer at the local homeless shelter, right? Because Jesus calls those who have earned it, right?

Ri--no. Let's look at Jesus calling Matthew in Mark chapter 2:

"13 Then He went out again by the sea; and all the multitude came to Him, and He taught them. 14 As He passed by, He saw Levi [later named Matthew] the son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax office. And He said to him, “Follow Me.” So he arose and followed Him."

So Jesus called tax collectors who were hated among Jews and known to take more then was required to be his disciples? 

Yup! And then some: 

"15 Now it happened, as He was dining in Levi’s house, that many tax collectors and sinners also sat together with Jesus and His disciples; for there were many, and they followed Him. 

16 And when the scribes and Pharisees saw Him eating with the tax collectors and sinners, they said to His disciples, “How is it that He eats and drinks with tax collectors and sinners?” 17 When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” 

Jesus not only called the messy types of people to be his disciples but he desired them as followers and defended them before the religious leaders. 

So. Why is it that when we talk about Jesus calling us today as if it was a job interview that we turned in a resume for, were considered, and then we received a callback from Jesus? 

Jesus called misfits, unwelcomed outsiders, ordinary working-class (fishermen) as well as the renounced religious folk (Paul). 

Jesus' calling us has so much less to do with us, our pasts, our talents, what we can bring to the table, and so much more about him, his past promises, his plans for the future, what he can do in us. 

The fishermen didn't seem to flounder about, asking Jesus what their roles would be and what he wanted to do with them because after Jesus loved them, established a relationship with them, taught them, in his timing he told them what he was equipping them to be and to do. 

So Christians, young and old alike, let's embrace the relationship over the concerns of our future roles. Let's leave the floundering behind and trust in the one that called us to his side. 

Maybe--besides the sour look on his face--maybe this is what Jesus calling us as a people, as a nation, as humankind looks like, I'm not sure. 

But I can tell you for a fact that when I first responded to Jesus' love by embracing it rather than turning him away, this is what that relationship looked like. I know that I follow an extremely loving and relational and one-on-one tending-to-his-sheep kind of God. 

So the next time that overwhelming feeling of what is Jesus calling you to be occupationally on his behalf take a deep breath, and remember that it's not about what you can do for him, it's about what he wants do in, through, and with you.

He loves you, he thinks fondly of you and to me his calling looks like this photo, getting to know the God and Savior that wants a relationship more than he wants a job well done.