His Love

The youth group that God has blessed into my hands, Ignition, has been going through Jesus Is: A Participant's Guide together weekly, where Judah Smith who pastors City Church, topically brings us back to the basics of our faith in Jesus Christ.

This week's topic is called "Count the Ways", where Judah is asking us in our daily devo section to recall and record God's love toward us.

In the devotional for day 1, Judah starts by asking us if we as humans can comprehend of all God's love towards us, and then he asks what analogy (comparison) we use to best describe God's love towards us.

I sat and stared at my journal.  Due to my self-competitive nature, I typically go through my devotionals pretty fast, so I was thrown off by the need to ponder on that question.

So I shut my journal, got ready for work, and have rolled that question around in my mind like a river tosses around stones.

What human comparison could I give to describe God's love?

In between my classes on Mondays, I rest at Dubsea Coffee, so I trekked my normal route and stood surveying the goods with which to indulge myself.

On long days, like this one was turning out to be, I tended to treat myself beyond my drip coffee with either a latte or an almond croissant. Today I desperately wanted both, but as it is with a budget, I didn't want to break my daily allowance.

As I placed my order for an iced vanilla latte, out of the corner of my eye I saw an almond croissant wrapped in plastic wrap, labeled for a third of the price, since it was from yesterday's batch.

That's when I realized my best comparison for God's love towards me.

God's love for me is so great that He cares to see into my smallest desires, like discounting my favorite baked good so I can enjoy it in the midst of a trying morning.

Even as I ordered my croissant and thanked God in my head for His great love towards me, the barista told me that he's never seen a day-old almond croissant last that long in the day without being snatched up.

I know, that's God for you. He cares about my biggest life-altering hurtles and about my smallest wishes and hopes, that's the love of my Savior and that's only one human comparison to compare His love to.

Psalm 18:28-30
"28 You light a lamp for me.
The Lord, my God, lights up my darkenss.
29 In your strength I can crush an army;
with my God I can scale any wall.
30 God's way is perfect.
All the Lord's promises prove true.
He is a shield for all who look to him for protection."

Our Needs, He Feeds

Last night I gathered with a handful of youth pastors and youth leaders to pray and cast vision into the Seattle-area Foursquare Summer Camp for 2014. We registered and talked logistics and laughed and worshiped together. Both firstly and lastly we prayed.

In the closing prayer, the director for junior high camp told us to pray for our needs and to proclaim them in God.

So if our needs are that we are currently weak and apathetic (low energy), then when we pray, "Thank You God for your strength, thank You for Your energy."

It was simple. And yet it stirred my faith in a new way.

Instead of complaining or praying myself into a pit of despair, my prayers did not focused on me and my humanity but on God and His infinity.

I cried out, "God You are strong, God You have the answers, God You are understanding, God You can turn all situations around for Your good, God You know what will be, God You have peace, God You are confident."

Wow. WOW! What if we spoke out our needs by proclaiming how God is and has all that we need?

So that was last night, today on my break between classes (it literally took my computer refusing to turn on for me to stop wedding planning and to open my dang Bible), I opened my Bible to the book of Psalm.

I began reading Psalm 28, a psalm of David.

"1 I pray to you, O Lord, my rock.
Do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you are silent,
I might as well give up and die.
2 Listen to my prayer for mercy
as I cry out to you for help,
as I lift my hands toward your holy sanctuary.

3 Do not drag me away with the wicked--
with those who do evil--
those who speak friendly words to their neighbors
while planning evil in their hearts.
4 Give them the punishment they so richly deserve!
Measure it out in proportion to their wickedness.
Pay them back for all their evil deeds!
Give them a taste of what they have done to others.
5 They care nothing for what the Lord has done
or for what his hands have made.
So he will tear them down,
and they will never be rebuilt!

6 Praise the Lord!
For he has heard my cry for mercy,
7 The Lord is my strength and shield.
I trust him with all my heart.
He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.
I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.
8 The Lord gives his people strength.
He is a safe fortress for his anointed King.
9 Save your people!
Bless Israel, your special possession.
Lead them like a shepherd,
and carry them in your arms forever.

You'll notice I broke up this psalm into 3 different sections.

First, in blue, David is calling out to God in distress for God to come to his aid.

Second, in purple, David is listing injustices against him and against his people and he's calling on God for justice.

Third, in red, what is David doing? Thanking God? Why? Did God answer his prayers before he finished writing this psalm? No.

David began thanking God and he prayed for his needs by proclaiming how God would provide.

"For he has heard my cry for mercy", "The Lord is my strength and shield", "I trust him", "He helps me", "The Lord give his people strength", "He is a safe fortress".

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

I could never figure out why David always brought his praises back to God in the midst of psalms that start out so dramatically "For if you are silent I might as well die".

Now I see. David was not only bringing the praise and focus back to God but he was proclaiming God's provision for all of his needs.

So how 'bout it? How about when we pray we pray for all the ways God can meet our needs? It's changing up the way I'm praying and thinking about my daily needs, it could change yours.

Be blessed today.

The Idol

Since when can a human being make themselves holy? Since when have we given ourselves that power? When we start to believe that humans hold their own salvation in their own hands, then we start to wonder if God is really who He says He is.

"All I do should be based on a perfect oneness with Him, not on a self-willed determination to be godly." -Oswald Chambers

It's good to have determination, but not if that determination overshadows the deep, holy desire to be one with God. Then, determination is an idol. Even if that determination is to be the holiest person that ever lived. 

I've been reading a book called "Atonement Child" by Francine Rivers and there's a character in it named Ethan. Ethan is so obsessed with the idea of being the holiest Christian that he can be that it is almost ridiculous how non-Christian his life is. He is so determined to be godly that he has forgotten the only way he could possibly get there-- through a unity with God, the Almighty. Only closeness and unity with God will truly make us holy.

We see it time and time again: pastors, friends, family so determined to be godly that it's almost embarrassing... And sometimes they are so obssessed with themselves that they can't see the needs of others. They can't see that the needs of others is that they need to see Christ's love through their lives.

And maybe this is you, because I know that it is me. So obssessed with my own salvation that I forget that I cannot be made holy until I have the Father's heart, until I am made one with Him, because that's the only way to be holy. Being with Him and being Him.

God does not want us to be self-willed. He wants us to be God-willed. He wants us to be totally, completely dependent on Him. In a way, He wants our faith in Him to be similar to a child's. 

"I am a human, but my daddy's the creator of the universe. And my dad's given me the authority to come against evil things, because my father lives inside of me."

It has nothing to do with us-- it has everything to do with Jesus. We should not strive for man's perception of holiness, we should strive to be one with Jesus.

I will draw near to Him, and He will draw near to me. He will make me holy and blameless, perfect, lacking in nothing.

"In everything he did he had great success, because The Lord was with him." -1 Samuel 18:14

"Humble yourselves to before the Lord, and He will lift you up." -James 4:10

"Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." -Ephesians 4:3

"'Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain on the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.'" -John 15:4 (Jesus speaking)

God-Willing

Two nights ago, I left for Bozeman Montana to go on a three day sabbatical with my Father. And until last night around 6PM, I had only made it to Billings, with a woman who was fighting to get home to her kids.

We met in Seatac. Forty minutes before the flight was supposed to leave, I peered up at the departure screen and the dreaded words greeted me: cancelled. I was at a loss. Moments before I had been trying to get the last seat on the plane, and praying fervently.

"Lord," I had prayed, "if it is not Your will that I go, make the journey impossible."

Dejected, I went over my options. The cancelled flight was the last flight of the day. And after asking a few agents, I discovered that the flights were booked to capacity every day until Wednesday. And I had planned my return trip for Thursday. In a moment of weakness, I sulked against the wall, staring around the terminal and trying not to cry.

I guess You don't want me to go, Lord. I'm sad, but You must have Your reasons.

Just as I was trying to figure out how to collect my checked bags, a customer service agent came up to me.

"Excuse me ma'am. Were you on that Bozeman flight?"

I looked at him, "yeah."

"If you want, I can get you to Billings?"

I smiled politely. "Thanks, but I'm a stand-by passenger."

The agent grinned, despite the chaos ensuing in the room. "If you want on, I'm getting you a seat. No problem."

I called Billings to see if they had cars available and meandered over to the Billings gate.

"Were you on that Bozeman flight?"

It wasn't the agent that asked, but a lady about thirty who was standing at the counter also.

"Yeah. I think I might fly to Billings and drive... Are you doing the same?"

"Yeah. They say I can't get out until Wednesday, and I have to get home to my kids."

"Want to split the cost for a rental car and drive over together?"

We both laughed and she said, "sure!"

Well, we ended up getting a hotel room in Billings (for free because she was a paying customer, and Alaska Air paid for it). Not only did we get a hotel room, but the hotel supervisor decided to give us the two bedroom suite because it was 1:30AM and it wasn't being used. He also gave us a breakfast voucher, and we didn't even ask for one.

"Just cuz I feel bad for you." He smiled and sent us on our way.

The next morning I waited in the living room of our suite for Carly to wake up. 

"Good news!" She said while walking out of her bedroom. "My friend's going to drive us halfway, and then my mom's going to pick us up from there and drive us to Bozeman."

I was shocked, expecting to shell out ninety bucks for a rental car that morning. "Wow. That's extremely nice of them."

We checked out, ate our breakfast, then jumped in the car with her friend. I was in the backseat with a very friendly nine-month-old black lab that loved to give kisses. Watching Billings disappear in the rear view mirror, I marveled at the adventure God was taking me on. 

When I thought it was impossible, He made it possible. He sent this woman to me, and through her showed me the endless love and grace He has for me. He cares for my desires, even my tiny desire to go on vacation. What a good God! He loves little, insignificant me, even in the grand scheme of things. 

I bid farewell to Carly, thanking her profusely. Without her, I didn't think I'd have the confidence, nor the funds, to make the trip happen. 

I did have a moment of weakness when my bag supposedly didn't make the Bozeman flight that afternoon. I had called ahead to make sure it would be on the first Bozeman flight of the day, so I could pick it up and make my way to the cabin. 

"Sorry, it must not have made it." The agent behind the counter said.

I fought back those unruly tears again. "That's weird, they said it'd be on this flight..." 

"It was an overbooked flight, the cargo pit might have been bulked out. Try the next flight, it comes in at 11:45 tonight."

I quietly said thank you around the throb in my throat, and climbed into the car outside. Letting the tears and the anger flow, I called Colin four times before he answered.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?!"

"I'm just mad! My bag didn't make the flight. I got close to zero sleep last night; I called Seattle and they said they'd get it on the plane. Now I can't start the drive up to the cabin until probably midnight tonight, and I wanted to go snowboarding tomorrow!"

Colin probably should have told me to stop whining and being selfish, but instead he empathized with me. "I'm so so sorry... I wish I knew how to make you feel better."

"It's whatever, I have to go, someone's trying to call me."

I pulled over on the side of the road to answer my phone. Someone had been texting and calling me repeatedly while I was fuming to Colin.

I peered at the first text and my jaw dropped.

"Hello Natalie Frazier, this is Zach at the Bozeman airport. We do indeed have your bag! You can pick it up if you are close!"

Hanging my head in shame, I drove back to the terminal where they were waiting with my bag. 

"The strangest thing happened! I could have sworn there were no more bags on the cart, but when I went back to check, there it was!"

I felt like kissing the woman I was so happy.

I called Colin when I got to my car. "Well, I feel like an entitled little baby. They found my bag. I can't believe it."

Colin laughed. "I do. I prayed just as soon as I got off the phone with you that they would have your bag. God performed a miracle for you, bibi."

"Do not worry about your life..." -Matthew 6:25

He says DON'T WORRY, and we say, "Okay, but I need to do this and that..."

But God says DON'T WORRY.

And beware of allowing yourself to believe that he says this while not understanding your circumstances. He understands better than anyone. And you know what? He cares about you! Yes, even you!

Meeting with God

I find it interesting that we can meet with the people we need to almost every day, if we need to talk to our teacher we find them after class, if we need to remind a parent (or for parents, a child) about something, you find them once their home, but then there's God.

I find that I can plan to meet with God and miss my appointment, not because He wasn't there, but because I never looked up long enough to interact with Him.

On Mondays I have a little under two hours of a gap between classes, during which time I try to have some God time and me time. I'm solid on the me time, I go to my favorite coffee shop (Dubsea all the way!), I order my coffee of choice (today it's an Americano, I'm feeling quite adult, thank you), I pick out my ideal table my the window facing the light outside, and I journal.

It's amazing but between my phone, my book, and my laptop I can go from me time to free time where I just leap right into things that I don't always get to do in my day.

Wasn't I forgetting something? Oh, oh well.

That's how my God time often goes, in the morning before work (too tired, snooze button), in the afternoon after work (oop, overbooked, gotta jet), or in the evening before bed (but I really need to catch up on my book!).

Today, God did what he often does to raise my attention. He gently calls for my attention.

I went straight from journaling to my computer and my plan was to have my God time after my computer time, but my computer wouldn't turn on.

Love, come meet with me.

God, I just need to look up something real quick.

Choose me first.

So I shut my laptop, pull my Bible in front of me.

James.

Easy, I'm teaching through James at Ignition youth group so yup, James, what've you got for me God?

Chapter 2.

I read the chapter from the first verse to last and it was different then when I read it earlier in the week. Verses stirred ideas in my head that hadn't come to mind before. I saw the Scripture in a new light. Instead hearing my voice in my head quickly mumbling the words, I heard the soft and loving voice that had called me to this time with Him.

That was it. God didn't ask anything else of me, He didn't have me read the rest of the book, He didn't tell me to get on my knees in the middle of this coffee shop and repent, He just called me to His side to show me something that I needed to see.

How easily I put off, ignore, or forget about my great need to meet with God. And yet, when I do meet with Him, either out of need, pure desire, or any other motive, I find that in my 3-minutes of God time I received more peace and comfort than the hour and a half I put into trying to please
myself.

Thank You God for Your gently raising of my chin when my attention is focused on the "other". I needed what You showed me in Scripture today. I needed to connect with my Comforter. Thank You drawing me to your side.

The Deepest Darkness

Just last night, someone revealed some deep truths about my life. 

I didn't want to go to yet another church event because I was "too tired," "too busy," and "didn't like the book." She challenged me in saying, very lovingly, "are you so sure it isn't because you're afraid of growing?"

I, of course, responded to this criticism stubbornly. No, I'm not afraid of growing. Yes, I feel like I'm worthy of the unending love of God. No, I'm not dodging the community of believers because I'm afraid of what they'll think; because I'm afraid of feeling things in front of them.

And then I realized that... Actually, I am very afraid of growing. 

More importantly, I'm afraid of what it would take for me to grow.

"O Lord, You are the God of the early mornings, the God of the late nights, the God of the mountain peaks, and the God of the sea. But, my God, my soul has horizons further away than those of early mornings, deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks, greater depths than any sea in nature. You who are the God of all these, be my God. I cannot reach to the heights or depths; there are motives I cannot discover, dreams I cannot realize. My God, search me." -(Psalm 139 paraphrased by Oswald Chambers)

Do we honestly, truly believe that God can fortify and protect our thought processes far beyond where we can go? 

Do we honestly believe that when the Sciptures say, "the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin" (1John 1:7) that it means all sin-- including the sin we are unaware of? The sin that stunts our growth?

If the bible meant we are only cleansed of our conscious sin, then God have mercy on us all.

Sin hardens our heart so much that sometimes, a lot of the time, we are not even aware of it. God will cleanse us of even these deep, unseen sins, so long as we choose to walk in the light.

I want to grow. I don't like how growth feels, but I want to grow. God help me, I don't want to be a foolish woman.

Rotten

How often do we receive blessings from God?

And how often do we give back, 100%, that blessing to someone else?

Oswald Chambers says "Worship is giving God the best that He has given you."

Not just sharing the blessing with someone else. 

Not just cutting them a portion of the blessing.

But giving that blessing, that same blessing, back to God?

I was reading the bible for the first time in months today, and surprise! God talks to me within seconds. 

This guy in the Old Testament named Elkanah had a wife named Hannah who could not bear any children. She asked God for a child, and He have her one. (Fancy that!)

This is what she did with that blessing:

"...they slaughtered the bull, and brought the boy to Eli (a priest).

She said: 'Oh, my lord! As your soul lives, my lord, I am the women who stood here beside you, praying to the Lord. For this boy I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him. So I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord.'"

Hannah's son was brought to Eli, "that he may appear before the Lord and stay there forever." -1 Samuel 1:22, 25-28

In case you skimmed over that, I'll paraphrase:

She let that blessing of God funnel right through her. She gave the best of what God gave her. 

Blessings from God are not meant to be hoarded for ourselves. We're not supposed to hear from God and hide what we learned.

Our knowledge of God should be completely at the same level as our experience of Him. We should be receiving and giving blessings to the same degree.

Blessings will rot if they are hoarded, like manna from heaven in Exodus 16:20. 

Is your soul rotting?